Announcer: Welcome Dave Gunfish!
Dave: Thank you! Thank you!
Nick: Who are you talking to?
Dave: The...the two people back there!
Nick: Who, them?
Dave: Yeah, yeah.
Nick: Didn't you pay them to come in?
Dave: No, uh....why would I do that?
Nick: Because the boss said you needed an audience to get paid.
Dave: They said that? Well I guess I do have to put on a show. Time for the monologue.
Nick: This soon?
Dave: Yeah, if I don't do anything they'll want more money!
- awkward pause*
Dave: I'll be right back everybody.
Dave: We're back, and do I have great news for you!
Nick: What's that?
Dave: Well the leader of the Barbary States is back in power, and is being protected by the Ottomans.
Nick: That's good.
Dave: Yep, only problem is the Ottoman leader is against piracy.
- Nick laughs
Dave: I know! The states that are known for pirate activity are being supported by a nation that makes enemies with the other pirate nations. To make it worse the leader of the States is in the Brethren Court, which the Ottomans are enemies with. He could just declare war on them, yet be backing up one of their leaders. There you go world! The Ottoman Sultan has kicked your logic in the ass!
- Man hands a piece of paper to Dave
Dave: Well it looks like we also have bad news.
Nick: What is it?
Dave: Well apparently a new form of the plague has swept through England, killing hundreds. The Royal Society knew it was coming years ago, but never told anybody about it.
Nick: That's horrible.
Dave: Yeah, I know, it's just like when you're in bed and-
- Nick laughs
Nick: You don't want to finish that sentence.
Dave: No, I do, but apparently it would be too in appropriate to say.
Dave: Well I'm done with the monologue.
Dave: I can't say what I want to say, I don't want to do it!
Nick: You have to, they're counting on you.
Dave: I WANT TO SAY WHAT HAPPENS IN BE-